Earlier this year, I turned 35.
As much as I wish I could tell you I started the year with a perfectly organized plan, a vision board, and a detailed roadmap to creating my dream life, that would be a lie.
The reality is that I've spent a good chunk of this year with my head in the sand. Or under a rock. Whichever version of the metaphor works for you, that's where I've been.
Not because I didn't know what was going on. Actually, that's the problem. I knew exactly what was going on. I knew I wasn't where I wanted to be, I knew there were goals I hadn't accomplished yet, and I knew there were parts of my life that felt stuck. After a while, constantly looking at those things started to wear on me; I felt like I was failing faster and faster.
So I stopped looking as closely.
When Rest Starts Feeling Like Wasted Time
One of the biggest accomplishments of the past few years was finishing my degree. If you've been around for a while, you know that journey wasn't exactly straightforward. It took longer than I expected, came with more twists and turns than I wanted, and required me to keep showing up even when life was doing its absolute best to distract me.
When I graduated, I told myself I was going to take a little time to breathe. I had earned that. After spending years focused on getting across the finish line, I needed a minute to exist without deadlines, assignments, and the constant pressure of school hanging over my head.
The problem wasn't taking a break. The problem was what started happening in my head while I was taking it.
Instead of enjoying the accomplishment, I found myself focusing on everything else. The goals I still hadn't reached. The areas of my life that still needed work. The things I thought I would've figured out by now. What started as rest slowly began feeling like stagnation, and before I knew it, I had convinced myself that I was wasting time.
Not because I had actually failed at everything or nothing good had happened. But because I was measuring my life against a timeline that no longer made sense and still expecting myself to somehow be on schedule.
The Weight of Feeling Behind
I think a lot of people quietly carry this feeling around, especially in their thirties.
You look around and start doing inventory.
You compare where you are to where you thought you'd be.
You remember goals you set years ago and wonder why they're still sitting on the list.
You start counting the things that haven't happened instead of the things that have.
That's where I've been.
The funny thing is that when you're focused on everything that's missing, it's hard to see anything else. You can graduate. You can survive hard seasons. You can keep moving forward. You can accomplish things you once prayed for. And somehow your brain will still find a way to say, "Yeah, but what about all this other stuff?"
Mine certainly did.
Eventually, I got tired of hearing that voice.
Five Years Is Still Enough Time
A few weeks ago, I realized that I'll be turning 40 in just 5 years.
Now before y'all start, this is not one of those posts about getting older. I'm not spiraling over turning 40. That's not the point.
The point is that five years is going to pass whether I do anything with it or not.
Five years from now, I'll either be celebrating progress or wishing I had started sooner. I'll either be closer to the life I want or still talking about the life I want. And that thought was the kick in the butt that I needed to feel motivated enough to start NOW.
Because (despite what my brain wants me to think) five years IS enough time to do a lot.
It's enough time to build better habits.
It's enough time to improve my finances.
It's enough time to strengthen my business.
It's enough time to learn new skills, take better care of myself, and make meaningful progress toward the things that matter to me.
The Notebook That Sparked My List
Since I've been wanting to get back into journaling and planning daily, I went on a hunt to find a notebook that I could use to get started. Being the stationery junkie that I am, I had tons of notebooks that I'd collected from starting and not completing my journaling goal. After coming across my gold Leuchtturm1917 notebook that I knew I'd only used a few pages of, I knew I wanted to use it.
As I opened it and flipped through the pages, I remembered the 30-by-30 goals list that I'd previously wanted to do in this notebook. Even though I never actually planned out that list, I knew that I could do it now, even in the middle of the year.
That's when it hit me: I will actually be 40 in 5 years, which meant, ironically, I could do a 40-by-40 goals list. I thought it would be a cool gift to myself to be able to say that I completed 40 goals by the time I was 40.
With that, I sat down and did a brain dump of all the things I want to accomplish in my life. Before I knew it, I'd made a list of over 150 goals across different areas of my life (and I know I could write more. I took a long look at the list and felt accomplished that I could think of that many things that I wanted in my life, but also behind.
I know that it will take me some time to accomplish everything on my list, and I plan to figure out how to do it all. To start, I took 40 goals from that list that I thought I could accomplish before I turn 40, and my list was born.
More Than a Goals List
Some of the goals are practical. Some are personal. Some are things I've wanted to do for years but kept pushing to the side. Others reflect the person I'm actively trying to become.
It's not a contract. It's not a measure of my worth. It's not a guarantee that everything will happen exactly the way I've written it down.
It's simply an intentional gift to Future Desi.
A reminder that at 35, even while feeling stuck, frustrated, and behind, I decided to try anyway. I decided to stop staring at everything that wasn't working and start paying attention to what I could build next.
That's what this season of Building While Becoming is really about.
Not arriving.
Not having it all figured out.
Just choosing to keep building.
My 40-by-40 Goals List
These are the things I'm choosing to work toward over the next five years by category. The things I want to experience, build, improve, learn, and accomplish.
FINANCES & STABILITY
- Build and maintain a consistent monthly budget system
- Save a $5,000 emergency fund
- Eliminate all personal debt
- Reach a consistent $5,000/month baseline income
- Establish multiple income streams (creator + consulting + digital products)
- Set up and maintain retirement contributions
- File taxes independently and consistently each year
- Track income and expenses weekly for at least 12 months
CAREER, CREATOR LIFE & BRAND & PRESS LLC
- Revive, stabilize, and actively operate Brand & Press LLC as a functioning business (services, offers, or consulting retained consistently)
- Turn Brand & Press into a consistent income-generating business (monthly revenue stream)
- Maintain consistent content creation across 2–3 platforms for 12+ months
- Grow combined audience to 5,000+ followers
- Establish consistent livestreaming or video content schedule
- Launch or maintain a recurring content series (weekly or biweekly)
- Be a guest on at least 3 podcasts
- Launch or maintain a podcast or long-form content channel
- Obtain at least one verified social media account
- Build a professional media kit + portfolio for both creator and business work
- Secure at least 3+ paid brand deals, clients, or partnerships
- Establish Brand & Press as a recognizable service brand for solopreneurs
CAREER DEVELOPMENT & EDUCATION
- Pay off remaining Michigan State University balance and obtain official bachelor’s degree documentation
- Maintain a strong professional resume + portfolio
- Attend at least 3 networking events per year consistently
- Maintain consistent job/freelance application pipeline when needed
- Maintain clear career direction in marketing, content, consulting, or business ownership
HEALTH & BODY
- Maintain consistent exercise routine (3x/week minimum)
- Maintain hydration habit (8–10 cups daily) for 6+ months
- Cook at home 3–4x per week
- Maintain consistent sleep schedule (7+ hours most nights)
- Learn to swim
- Improve flexibility (yoga, mobility, or splits progression)
- Maintain consistent health checkups (dental, medical, preventive care)
- Improve stamina through regular movement
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT & SYSTEMS
- Maintain journaling + weekly reflection AND weekly planning system
- Read 6–12 books per year
- Learn a new language (Spanish or ASL)
- Learn and maintain adult life systems (taxes, budgeting, organization, planning)
- Reduce procrastination through consistent planning/time-blocking system
HOME & LIFESTYLE
- Upgrade or refine personal style and wardrobe to reflect identity, confidence, and lifestyle goals
- Create and maintain an organized home system and workspace that supports business, creativity, and daily life
Here's to the Next Five Years
I have no idea what life will look like when I turn 40.
If the last decade taught me anything, it's that life loves a plot twist. Some goals on this list will probably change. New dreams will show up. Priorities will shift. That's part of the journey.
What I do know is that I don't want to spend the next five years hiding under a rock. I don't want to spend them focused only on what I haven't accomplished. I don't want to keep telling myself that I'm behind and letting that story stop me from moving forward.
I want to spend the next five years building.
Building better habits. Building stability. Building confidence. Building a business. Building a life that feels good to live.
And if I can do that, I think Future Desi will be pretty proud.
Wonderful list! I just realized that it will be less than 2 years for me, maybe I should start a 45 by 45 list instead.